Time to break some rules

I’m a firm believer in re-examining the rules that we live our life by. But my thinking behind this is perhaps a little unorthodox.

When I was a teacher I taught the Ethics component in RS A level, and on that course we explore the difference between deontological and teleological decision making. Deontology is rule based - you always follow the rules. The outcome you get is the right one because it’s what following the rules led you to. Conversely, Teleology is outcomes based - you determine the outcome you want, and you do the least possible damage in getting there. The outcome you get is the right one because it’s the one you were aiming for (even if you had to break some rules on the way.)

Lots of people live by systems of rules that have been with them since childhood

• You should be seen and not heard

• You should always put other people’s needs before your own

• You should give up your seat, and shouldn’t take up too much space

• This isn’t for people like you

• No-one cares about what you have to say

• You must always share

• … it’s rude not to kiss (relative) goodbye

I am a solutions focussed clinical hypnotherapist, so my sessions don’t tend to dwell for too long in the past. But it’s almost inconceivable that I’ll see a client for a work based issue (imposter syndrome, speaking up in meetings, interview avoidance or others) where some kind of rule from the past doesn’t feature in the session.

This is why my city work is almost always done in one session. We talk for long enough to really see what’s going on, then dismantle the rules that are holding us back, before imagining and then determining ‘you’ for the future. It’s a long session but a good one, when the client walks out ready for their next phase.

There is a place for rule following. But when the rules are unhelpful and holding you back, it’s time to address them. Dare to imagine the outcome you want.

Never get off at Ella!

I was lucky enough to go on holiday to Sri Lanka earlier in the year. It’s a stunning country and I fell in love with the place. There’s a must-do train journey that takes you through tea plantations in the clouds towards Ella, with its iconic 9 arch bridge. Hundreds of people fill the trains every day, clamouring to sit on the ‘scenic side’, or just to sit at all. They end their journey in Ella because that’s where all the guides say is the place to stop. Then they travel on foot to see the 9 arch bridge and, if they time it right, they see a train pass over it. Had they stayed on their train for one more stop they would have passed over the bridge themselves. Another stop and they’d experience a unique spiralling trainline climbing a mountainside. Yet almost everyone misses these two magnificent feats of engineering.

For me, getting off at Ella can be an allegory for how so many of us live our lives. Even though there is something better just around the corner we follow a given path, and that path holds us back.

In this case, the block is caused by accepting perceived wisdom without doing our own work. In my clients, these blockages can come in the form of fears, limited self-regard, limits that are placed on us by others - or the damage that these have done in the past, or habitual behaviour. All of these can be addressed through clinical hypnotherapy.

So if something is holding you back, get in touch and we can address it. And never get off at Ella!

Change can come so fast, if we let it

I received a review on my Google listing today from a parent who had brought her teenage daughter to see me earlier in the year. A fantastic girl, but with low confidence after having ‘failed all her mocks’ (her words, not mine.) She was brilliantly capable but had a block on getting her work down on paper. After one session both her confidence and the output were much improved, and so the update today was a joy to see. She had aced her GCSEs, and achieved what she needed for her next step. Just one session was all it took to put behind her what was holding her back, and to look to the future with confidence.

There is an irony in me receiving this review today, as it’s the day that I have marked as my final day as a school teacher after a 30 year career that I have loved. It feels like the crossover review, bringing together my worlds of schools, learning and hypnotherapy. This is how it all began for me; in 2015 as I finished my masters degree at Cambridge in this field, I was left wondering whether CAMHS (the adolescent mental health service in the UK) was using the best protocols for school based issues. It struck me then that long waiting lists for lengthy talking therapies were not necessary for a great number of issues, and that brief therapies (like hypnotherapy, mind management, EMIT and EMDR) were better suited. The waiting lists have only got longer in the past decade, and the need for brief therapies seems greater than ever.

I have been absolutely blessed that I have been able to build my hypnotherapy expertise and practice over the past decade while still teaching. Staying connected to schools and learning, while being secure in a job I love and will miss, has felt like a treat. More recently I have stepped into the tutor role at the ICCHP, the hypnotherapy college where I trained. So I am still teaching, but my focus is now on hypnotherapy, and developing the next generation of practitioners.

So, now it’s my turn to look to the future with absolute confidence. Reviews like today’s only serve to confirm that change can come so fast, if we let it.

Going online

Increasingly, people are asking me if hypnotherapy is as effective when it is done online. I suppose this just reflects the way we increasingly live our lives.

While there is one modality that I prefer to do in person, the vast majority of my work is just as good online. Indeed some people say they feel more comfortable in their own space, and with referrals coming from overseas sometimes it makes sense that I should get with the times!

You can now book an in person or an online appointment. Just select whichever suits you better. When you choose an online appointment you will immediately be sent a Google Meet link. I will see you there! If it doesn’t appear, please let me know and I will forward it on.

So see you soon, here… or there!

A season for everything

One of the things that has struck me over the years is how seasonal the requests for support are.

Some things are obvious - Spider fears in September, exam worries in May. Yet there are others where the link is less overt. December is always a busy month, but while you get a smattering of fear of elves and chronic pain flaring up with the cooling weather, the most common request is to do with speaking up. Advocating for ourselves is something that some people find easy, but there are a number of reasons (many of them cultural, some to do with past experiences) that make it hard for some people to. The impending holidays are often a catalyst for change, with clients feeling that the time has come to say what they need to. Sometimes this is as simple as wanting to spend some time at home with the children and their new toys rather than being expected to meet everyone else’s wants and needs.

There is no reason to wait; finding your voice is for life, not just for Christmas.

5 (and a bit!) long years

I’ve been helping some newbie hypnotherapists set up their businesses recently, and so revisiting what I used to do in the early days. I read back over my old blogs, and realised that I stopped doing them in March 2020, when the whole world stood still. In part, I suspect this was because I got out of the habit. And in part, because since then I’ve not had to do anything to promote Mind Yourself. It has ticked along nicely with referrals, and clients coming back to resolve something new that has presented itself.

But blogging was a good discipline, and one that helped me to reflect on the work I was doing and to help people to understand the incredible reach of hypnotherapy. So, good habits start again here!

Free hypnotherapy download for health anxiety

Increasingly I’m taking enquiries from people asking if I can help with their fears around infectious diseases, and concern for the health of themselves and family. Some are asking if I can work over Skype- the answer to both questions is yes.
But fear seems to be spreading faster than the virus, and I suspect that social media isn’t helping. Panic is not just confined to buying, and people are starting to really struggle with their emotional health. It shouldn’t only be those that can afford to book a session with me that get some help.
I have recorded a free* download, a self hypnosis recording that can be listened to in the comfort of your home.
It of course makes no claims to keep you safe from the virus itself, but it will help you to stay calm and in control while the storyline unfolds. Don’t use it in place of medical advice, or hand washing, but do enjoy the calming relief it brings to your mind. Feel free to share with others that might benefit from it too, I’m quite happy for love and kindness to go viral.

*when I say ‘free’ I mean it. You will be asked for your email address and contact details, but if you tick the ‘no thanks’ box you’ll not hear from me again

New Year, same you

I find the ‘New Year, New You’ narrative really problematic. The reality is that nothing changes at the stroke of midnight; unless you think of yourself as a latter day Cinderella. We can resolve to set ourselves new goals, just as we can any other day. But goals and resolutions on their own are more likely to turn into something else to beat yourself up about in a few weeks time.
Change is absolutely doable though, with a proper plan and change of thinking. And sometimes, the thinking runs very deep. I don’t mind admitting, this year I’ve finally got to grips with my relationship with food (and lost a fair few stone.) But the work I had to do to achieve that included addressing my own value, my own values, and a few skeletons. I couldn’t have done it without clinical hypnotherapy, but it didn’t take many sessions.
Whatever change you want to make, to stop a habit, beat an addiction, overcome a fear, reduce anxiety or change a mindset, it’s likely that hypnotherapy will give you the lasting change you are hoping for.
Everyone is welcome to a free (totally no pressure) 20 minute consultation to see how hypnotherapy can help you, and whether I’m the right person to work with. So get in touch, whenever is right for you.

““Jeni was very welcoming & put me at ease straight away. I left my first session feeling like a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders & I can’t believe the change in myself as the weeks have passed.””

— K O

Still Stammer-free

When I chose this image for my website I really deliberated. I was trying to convey stammer, stutter, and other speech issues, but couldn’t decide if the child looked angry or not. Frustrated, maybe? Or perhaps singing at the top of his voice. 

I have worked with a few people on finding their voice, most recently a 10 year old boy with a pronounced stammer, and confidence issues. He came for a free 15 minute chat (it went on longer but not because of the stammer, we just got nattering) and then booked in for a session in half term. 

He left that session speaking fluently to me in English and to his Mum in his first language. Mum called this morning, and told me that two weeks on he still hadn’t stammered, and was full of confidence. 

What an absolute dream, to be able to do a job where you’re a part of the change that people want to see in their life. Of course he did the hard work, the biggest step being to find the confidence to come and see me. 

Make me whole again

Not a tribute to Atomic Kitten, but a request that I have heard time and time again in recent weeks. Whether the client was seeing me to deal with an overbearing Dad, grief, phobia, or addiction... 4 in a row said they wanted to feel whole again.

The language is so familiar. I wonder how many of us feel like we are “in bits”, “torn in two”, “living a half life” or “just not as we were.” 

Why not drop me a line and let me know what’s making you feel diminished, and we can see how we can make you whole again.